Cavalheirismo
Eu lamento, lamento de verdade o fim do cavalheirismo e das boas-maneiras de um modo geral. As boas-maneiras, ok, essas nem estão tão extintas assim e a gente ainda encontra um ou outro gesto gentil por aí. Mas cavalheirismo, ixe, esse está raríssimo, e é uma pena.
Não dá para negar, foi o feminismo que tirou o cavalheirismo da ordem do dia. E essa maldita mania de que tudo tem que ser “informal” (o que há de tão errado com um pouco de formalidade, hein?). No caso do feminismo, prefiro pensar que foi um engano, um caso de bebê jogado fora com a água do banho. Afinal, direitos iguais, respeito, opções, tudo isso tá muito bom, muito bonito, é isso mesmo que a gente quer; que eu quero. Só que isso não significa ignorar umas diferenças básicas, como o fato de que, em geral, homens têm um bom tanto a mais de força física que as mulheres. E é nesse dado, entre outras coisas, que se baseia o cavalheirismo.
Porque vejam, o cavalheirismo quando feito do jeito certo não é um ato de condescendência, como algumas feministas do tipo chato parecem acreditar. Não, cavalheirismo de verdade é um ato civilizado e respeitoso, exatamente o contrário de infantilizar e tratar com superioridade. E numa situação em que esteja rolando uma paquerinha, isso vale em dobro. Afinal, se um homem não tratar uma mulher com delicadeza e educação nem mesmo enquanto está tentando levá-la para cama, imaginem como vai agir depois que conseguir.
Quando um homem é cavalheiro com uma mulher, com gestos pequenos como segurar a porta, descer uma escada na frente ou andar do lado de fora da calçada (um homem fez isso para mim outro dia, fiquei encantada), ele está basicamente dizendo “olha, nós dois sabemos que eu sou mais forte que você e poderia te machucar se quisesse, mas sou bem mais civilizado do que isso e tenho toda a intenção de te respeitar e te tratar bem”. É por isso que qualquer mulher fica tão mal-humorada quando um candidato faz coisas como segurar pelo braço ou pelo cabelo. Ele deixa de ser um pretendente e se torna uma ameaça. Um homem que não merece o nome não vai querer renunciar à força física, porque acha que é só ela que garante sua hombridade (se for o caso, então melhor sair do armário de vez, beesha!), e que se não usá-la, não vai ter o respeito de mulher nenhuma. Já um cavalheiro sabe que só através da renúncia dessa força ele se prova um homem de verdade, quando permite que a fragilidade das mulheres não se torne uma desvantagem. Só assim os dois podem conversar de igual para igual.
Não dá para negar, foi o feminismo que tirou o cavalheirismo da ordem do dia. E essa maldita mania de que tudo tem que ser “informal” (o que há de tão errado com um pouco de formalidade, hein?). No caso do feminismo, prefiro pensar que foi um engano, um caso de bebê jogado fora com a água do banho. Afinal, direitos iguais, respeito, opções, tudo isso tá muito bom, muito bonito, é isso mesmo que a gente quer; que eu quero. Só que isso não significa ignorar umas diferenças básicas, como o fato de que, em geral, homens têm um bom tanto a mais de força física que as mulheres. E é nesse dado, entre outras coisas, que se baseia o cavalheirismo.
Porque vejam, o cavalheirismo quando feito do jeito certo não é um ato de condescendência, como algumas feministas do tipo chato parecem acreditar. Não, cavalheirismo de verdade é um ato civilizado e respeitoso, exatamente o contrário de infantilizar e tratar com superioridade. E numa situação em que esteja rolando uma paquerinha, isso vale em dobro. Afinal, se um homem não tratar uma mulher com delicadeza e educação nem mesmo enquanto está tentando levá-la para cama, imaginem como vai agir depois que conseguir.
Quando um homem é cavalheiro com uma mulher, com gestos pequenos como segurar a porta, descer uma escada na frente ou andar do lado de fora da calçada (um homem fez isso para mim outro dia, fiquei encantada), ele está basicamente dizendo “olha, nós dois sabemos que eu sou mais forte que você e poderia te machucar se quisesse, mas sou bem mais civilizado do que isso e tenho toda a intenção de te respeitar e te tratar bem”. É por isso que qualquer mulher fica tão mal-humorada quando um candidato faz coisas como segurar pelo braço ou pelo cabelo. Ele deixa de ser um pretendente e se torna uma ameaça. Um homem que não merece o nome não vai querer renunciar à força física, porque acha que é só ela que garante sua hombridade (se for o caso, então melhor sair do armário de vez, beesha!), e que se não usá-la, não vai ter o respeito de mulher nenhuma. Já um cavalheiro sabe que só através da renúncia dessa força ele se prova um homem de verdade, quando permite que a fragilidade das mulheres não se torne uma desvantagem. Só assim os dois podem conversar de igual para igual.
119 Comments:
Dia desses, andando por Santa Tereza, passeando com uma amiga, não me toquei de andar do lado de fora da calçada. Pensando agora, parecia a coisa certa a fazer, afinal, se o bonde me acertasse, tudo bem. (Brincadeira infame; você tem toda razão sobre a extinção do cavalheirismo. As mulheres, elas mesmas, olham meio torto quando a gente abre porta e dá passagem - sei lá, acham que a gente tá olhando pra bunda ou qualquer coisa assim.) O maior parênteses desse lado do Blogger.
=)
Muito bom. :>)
Sobre o negócio de andar do lado de fora da calçada - na maior parte das vezes o perigo vem de dentro: bêbados, pedintes que você não sabe se são assaltantes, grupos de desocupados na porta de um bar, etc. Pessoalmente eu ando alternando entre o lado de fora e o de dentro da calçada, de acordo com de onde vem o perigo - o que sempre desconcerta a pessoa com quem estou andando porque fico sumindo e aparecendo do outro lado o tempo todo.
Concordo inteiramente com você. Eu tenho uma atitude protetora com as mulheres, e isso se deve apenas ao que você citou, a força física.
(tá bom, não é só isso. Eu tento protegê-las até quando elas não precisam. É hábito)
Também alterno o lugar na calçada, que nem o Alexandre.
e eu nunca presto atenção nisso. andar alternando na calçada então, parece um exercício dificílimo. mas já q ainda existem mulheres-mulheres, vou ficar mais atento. hahaha.
Alessandra, infelizmente muitas coisas e valores estão se extinguindo em nosso mundo, o importante é não perdermos os NOSSOS valores.
Beijos e adorei seu blog!
nossa, achei lindo isso que você escreveu, é isso mesmo. falta um pouco mais de delicadeza aos homens e mulheres, que andam igualmente embrutecidos. eu acho tão meigo quando meu marido quer me dar o casaco, por exemplo, porque acha que eu vou sentir mais frio que ele... nada que me diminua, é só o carinho que nunca é demais [e as feministas que jogaram o bebê fora juntamente com a água não sabem o que perderam ou estão perdendo...] enfim, adorei o post, como, aliás, já é de praxe. um bj!
confesso que há muito que vejo o cavalheirismo como uma forma de condescendência machista. mas depois desta apologia tão lúcida sobre o cavalheirismo encontrei muitos pontos de contacto com o que considero bom senso, educação e gentileza para com as mulheres. e já nem me importo muito que essas qualidades sejam chamadas de cavalheirismo, segundo o que é defendido no teu texto. o que procuro é não ser ostensivo e [é inevitável repeti-lo] condescendente. eu não gosto muito de mulheres demasiado abonecadas, sem empenho na sua independência e com infinito orgulho em se apresentarem como se fossem de partir, de porcelana ou de cristal. [é o meu gosto pessoal, gosto de desportistas e de mulheres de personalidade forte e têm sido as que se cruzaram no meu caminho]. mas isso não significa que abdique totalmente da minha força e da segurança que quero transmitir, que não é só física, claro. mas espero do outro lado, de igual forma, carácter e vigor. e, no espaço da relação, há espaço para as vulnerabilidade dos dois e de cada um. não acredito que, nos dias de hoje, os valores e a moral estejam ameaçados de extinção. estão em mutação, como sempre, mas mais acelerada, como tudo no nosso tempo. e falando de emancipação feminina e de reacção ao machismo, podemos ver a imensa oportunidade que nos é oferecida de redefenir o que é o cavalheirismo desejável, o que é um tratamento decente. sem apego saudosista a um passado que não é imaculado de forma nenhuma, nem tem qualquer superioridade moral em relação ao nosso conturbado presente. sejamos então cavalheiros, do século XXI. é agora que vivemos. :-D
abraço,
nuno.
a primeira mulher que eu leio e que não defende ingenuamente o feminismo, que, francamente, é uma fraude.
muito bom o texto.
Ue, mas eu não acho que o feminismo é uma fraude, Ed. Acho uma coisa ótima, me considero feminista e agradeço o fato dele existir com frequencia. O fato de uma coisa ter aspectos criticáveis não significa que ela é toda ruim, nest ce pas?
Mas que bom que você gostou, obrigada pelos comentários e volte sempre.
Sim, claro. Fou um chiste de minha parte; generalizei.
Afe, agora que eu li direito! E parece que eu às vezes ainda acerto. ;)
Olá.
No meu ponto de vista a conotação atribuida à palavra "feminista" é negativa porque foi a forma que os homens encontraram para se vingarem no desejo legítimo e natural das mulheres em querer seguir uma vocação. Deturpam factos, generalizam o conceito. "Feminismo" acho até que foi inventado por eles.
Ser feminista não é nada disso de querer ser homem! Não é abdicar de gestos de simpatia. Eles é que se "vingaram" nas mulheres, deixando de ter esses gestos de cortesia.
Se não fossem tanto de sentir dor no cotovelo, tinham aceite as reinvidicações e continuado fiéis a si mesmos.
Você deixa de ser educada só porque alguém foi mau educado consigo? Eu não! Aqui aconteceu que os homens foram desafiados, perderam, e vingaram-se de forma mesquinha.
Sim, o cavalheirismo de verdade é um ato civilizado e respeitoso. Aliás, é pura corte, são preliminares, é a natureza do homem e da mulher a se namorarem, como duas rolas, duas andorinhas, e várias outras espécies na natureza que nos mostram que é natural uma fêmea gostar de ser cortejada e é natural o homem gostar de cortejar.
É tão simples!
Vou colocar este link no meu blog.
Sobre o CAVALHEIRISMO:
Cavalheiro no feminino = Dama
cavaleiro no feminino = Amazona
CAVALHEIRISMO: SEGUNDO ''AULETE''Qualidade ou atitude de cavalheiro; CIVILIDADE; CORTESIA; DISTINÇÃO; GENTILEZA; NOBREZA: Seu cavalheirismo agrada às mulheres.
MELHOR DEFINIÇÃO ''AUTOR DESCONHECIDO''
Serve tanto para os homens como também para as mulheres e significa, pessoa que se importa com bem estar dos outros. Atenciosamente Rogerio Marchetto
Que vergonha :$
Essa da calçada eu realmente não sabia. Mas como alguns já citaram eu conscientemente ou inconscientemente sempre fico entre o perigo e minha guria.
Vou adicionar essa da calçada ao repertório.
Parabéns pelo blog.
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